When you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you are tied to someone with an inflated sense of themselves, and they usually hide the fact that they have very low self-esteem. During a disagreement, they will refuse to be wrong, and they may even recreate past events to fit their argument, all while insisting you are the one who is mistaken. Imagine looking at a blue table. The narcissist may insist that it is yellow to the point where you may question your definition of blue and yellow.
Although we are not mental health professionals, we felt it prudent to bring up the term narcissist. The term has become increasingly common, and people may be quick to diagnose their partner with it. Less than 1% of the population is estimated to have narcissistic personality disorder (NSD), and most are men. That said, divorcing one can be challenging, and if you suspect you are in a relationship with one, we highly recommend reaching out to a mental health professional to help you during the divorce process.
Establish Clear Lines of Communication
By educating yourself about narcissists, you will learn they like to control situations and react poorly to criticism. During a divorce, they may refuse to accept responsibility for any part in the marriage ending. Because you are no longer under their influence and control, they may become aggressive or verbally abusive. As soon as you are mentally ready to leave the marriage, contact an attorney to begin laying the groundwork for leaving the marital home.
Try to limit your conversations with your ex-spouse. For example, it will be difficult to start rebuilding your life when you receive a never-ending stream of angry text messages and phone calls. Instead, ask your spouse to communicate with you through email or your attorneys. Even if your spouse refuses to listen, that doesn’t mean you have to give in. Set aside a small window of time to read the emails and respond calmly and appropriately. Getting angry and allowing emotion to disrupt your judgment fuels the cycle and enables it to continue.
Get Your Documents in Order
It is common for narcissists to have complete control over the family’s finances. You may have little to no idea about your assets and liabilities. Start collecting your income tax returns for the last few years, bank account statements, and any documents detailing your debt. You will begin to feel empowered when you begin to retake control of your life and your situation. Other important documents include:
- Investments
- Retirement plans
- Estate plans
- Pay stubs
- Mortgages
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If you have children, it is essential to remember that you will be connected to your former spouse for life. Focus on your children and ensure they are safe and have the necessary resources to process the divorce. Don’t succumb to the idea that you must tear your former spouse down to “win” or be happy.
Empowered Family Law, P.C. is committed to helping you find a better tomorrow. We would be glad to recommend you to family therapists that we trust, and we can even set you up with financial planners. Contact us to schedule your consultation to learn more about how we can help you with your divorce.
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