How often have you heard people say they choose to stay in a failing marriage for their children’s sake? One of the most prominent fallacies of that statement is the assumption that your kids are better off living in a house with two people who are fundamentally different from one another. The way to progress is through sacrifice and discomfort, and these people are choosing to avoid the short-term element of pain while accepting the long-term consequences of being in a relationship with someone with whom they are no longer compatible. These people are well-intentioned, but they can still be great parents (perhaps even better parents) after their marriage has been dissolved.
Being the parent your children need and deserve is significantly easier if you have the desire to be one. If you love your children and are committed to their well-being, you have everything you need to be successful, even if you choose to divorce. Regardless of where you are in the divorce process, this article is about being a fantastic parent when it is all over. It doesn’t matter if your kids are too young to fully understand what is happening or whether you have a teenager who blames you for the marriage ending. The advice we are about to offer applies to anyone at any age.
You Can Move Mountains
There’s an obstacle in your way. Some divorced parents have a fractured relationship with their children because something is in their way. This could come in the form of a former spouse moving away, their spouse not following the parenting plan, or perhaps the child being upset with you. The solutions to each of these issues are entirely in your control.
For example, your parenting plan says you are entitled to phone calls at least once daily with your young child who does not own a phone. Each time you call, no one answers, or you receive a text saying they are busy. Before you make your attorney or send an angry response back, take a moment to compose a kindly-worded email. Explain that you are following the parenting plan and want to remain in touch with your child. This allows you to state a problem and gives your spouse a chance to respond. The language you use is essential because you want to prevent a fight. Why? Because co-parenting requires a lot of problem-solving.
Instead of relying on the parenting plan, imagine how much better it would be if your spouse gave you a heads-up that they were going to dinner. Then they ask whether it would be ok with you if your child talked to you afterward. That’s the goal, but it takes a committed effort.
Building a Relationship
Sometimes, being a good parent means showing up. If your child is upset with you, go to their sporting events, pick them up from school if you can, and never miss a scheduled phone call. Think of it as a bank account. Though your relationship bank account may be overdrawn, make deposits. After enough time, your child will see how much you still care.
If you are struggling with the fact that you only see your child occasionally, such as every other weekend, you can make the absolute most out of the time you do have. Do their favorite things (as long as it is within the rules that you and your spouse agreed to), make their favorite dinner, and become a die-hard fanatic about a hobby they enjoy. You have the chance to be the parent you wish to be. This doesn’t mean eating ice cream for dinner or eliminating bedtimes, but that does mean you can plan a scavenger hunt or have movie night with your child for hours if that’s how she wants to spend her time with you. If she wants to play four more hours with you instead of going out to dinner as you planned, then do so! If you are a single parent, you can make these decisions independently. Never stop trying to find the positive and continue adding to the relationship bank account that you have built with your children.
Feel Empowered
You deserve a support system during your divorce, and your attorney should be a part of it. Whether you are getting a divorce, need a recommendation for a mental health professional, or want to pursue mediation as a means to avoid fighting, Empowered Family Law, P.C., will support you. Contact our office to schedule your consultation.
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